Spoon? Jesus tits! I thought that was a pen!

Today I learned when you run into a coworker in the men's room, don't ask them what they're doing.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

Melissa Lion makes me laugh out loud over and over again. That's why I'm participating in the democratic and inclusive Melissa Lion meme. And we're off...

1. If you were an SM implement, what would you be?
I'm a butt plug. (I've always wanted to say that.)

2. Random person who you barely know for whom you’re hot.
The surly, brooding, and very nervous guy who sits across from me in lit class. He's such a downer. I'm sure he's sitting at home making lists of everything he hates about the stupid, imbecilic toads he must endure every day he leaves his house. Every now and then my sarcasm from across the room makes him smile. Victory! He loves me.

3. What’s your favorite color?
Green

4. Sexual position you think gets a bum rap.
The Bum Rap

5. Favorite racial slur
Oregonian

6. What is your inner spirit animal?
The nutrio

7. The one thing about humanity that makes you want to smash bricks against your own house.
Oh, where to start? I'm abstaining from this one. You (may) know how I can just go and go and go.

8. With whom do you most identify: Dick Cheney or George W Bush.
Dick or Bush? Really? You have to ask?

9. Hair pulling or Ass smacking.
ass...hair...pulling?

10. State you feel should be firebombed.
Texas! NOW!

11. Pick up the nearest book and turn to page 129. What do you see?
"Remember what I've told you," Catherine said. "I will never use your name and no one who lives in this village will ever see these paintings."
    --Krik? Krak! by Edwidge Danticat

That's all. Your turn.